I have to ask myself, “Am I satisfied with this?”

“Well, no.”

…

“Can I do more? I don’t know, but I guess I’ll find out.”

Hahaha

I wanted so badly to work it out. I would have done anything at all for you. I really wanted that chance, but you didn’t give it to me, and so now I must move on.

I loved you, and I actually still do; It is so incredibly difficult to predict the future, but I hope we can come back together some day. I hope very much for that. I can’t stop thinking about you. Every time I think I’m making steps forward from you, I can’t help but feel guilty in doing so. I feel like I need to dedicate a considerable amount of time reading a dictionary, thesis papers, and long and unorthodox novels to properly describe this.

There’s still so much I wanted to say, but you have already said goodbye. Yes, I had bad traits, but so did you. I never felt yours grounds for breaking up, I don’t know why you thought I did. I never meant to threaten you, I didn’t think that that was how you saw it. I accepted your flaws and deemed you perfect; I thought that there was no one that could be better than you, Michelle. An honest, genuine, and very unique being; you were beautiful. 

But, you obviously didn’t accept mine. You didn’t love me as much as I loved you, and that hurts a lot more than I thought it would. This long distance thing takes more strength to do than anyone could ever really be comfortable or confident with. 

Do you know why I didn’t like your mother? Because near every mention you had of her was negative. I remember there being two instances of her good deeds, but I can only recall one: when she took you and your brother out for a day of fun on her birthday. It stands out because, to me, it was a unique instance. It’s hard to see the good in someone when all you ever hear about them is the wrong they’ve done and habitually do. I have no doubt that’s the same view you’ve given those around you about me. I can’t say that I ‘hate’ your mother, like she and i’m sure others seems to think, because I don’t know her. I should have made a better effort to, I know. I should have led by example on many things, but I didn’t and now it feels like you’re being hypocritical when maybe all you were waiting for was my initiative to show you how it’s done. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel as I do now.

Did you ever stop and ask what my friends and family thought about you? How do you think they saw you? How I portrayed you? Did you ever even care about your image to them?

I still don’t know what you’re thinking, and that was always bothersome

Just know, that whatever you see or somehow hear of me doing, that it will never be in spite of you.

If anything ever happens, or you just want someone to talk to for whatever reason, please, don’t ever hesitate to call. Until then, I’ll let you be.

I actually thought that this had been deleted…

It’s a bit funny looking a year in the past, what little I recorded of it

Hahahaha, It’s actually really funny

That quirky girl… was something

Granted, we dated and it was grand while it lasted

But, it’s a long story that I’m in no mood of remembering

…

Something about writing to no one soothes me

Am I that narcissistic?

I mean, I can be

It’s very reflecting